Depression ..Painful Pasts..

When Life Hands You Lemons you make lemonade?; My Life Hands Me Apples & I Make the Best Apple Juicee :) 

With My Life i feel like maybe there would be at least one person upset with me if he saw the things i was doing with my life. 
All i could say i was i sorry for all the pain and the tears. && that i would try to change for the better. 
All i would do is cry in front of him if i ever say him again. I wouldnt be the same person if he was still here. 
Life is full of assholes and weirdos. Whether you like it or not. There are a few ones out there. 
I would have to deal with the stuff i do right now. I would have different friends. A different Life somewhere else. 

I wish there was a place that had no drama. no killing. no nothing. jus peace. but there isnt at all. 
If there was i would go there in a heartbeat. i would run there. or Fly i dnt care. 

The past Year 2009. Was hell for me on earth. All the drama from 2009 came to 2010. I cant stop it. People are assholes for no reason. They wont move on & mind their own business what so ever. 
I just want all the drama to stop. but it wont. 
Do you think the pain would go away? 
Will I ever see my Bestfriend again, If she wanted too? 
Will I ever walk the same again? 
Will my back ever stop hurting? 
Will the scars go away? 
Will he ever leave me alone? 
Will I ever see my sister again? 
Will the pain go away? 
Will I ever have a life with God again? 
Will I ever see my dad again? 
Will I ever get over the fact that hes gone for good? 
Will people stop making me feel bad because he died? 
Will i get that Tattoo with my sister?[mamajama] 
Will 2010 be better than 2009? 
Will another dude put his hands on me again? 
Idk any of these answers because i cant speak for the future. All i can do is hope for the best. With Best/Real people i have in my life. They know who they are.No need to Name. 

Im For sure Depressed With Life and I dnt know why. 
Im jus making sure not to let people walk all over me again. 
No one will ever hit me again or try to break my ribs. 
No one will evertalk crap to me again. Im not having it anymore, 
New and Improved. Im making changes for the Better not for Worse. :) 
I Just Wish He was Here to see whats going on. I miss him alot. 
Lately i cant look at his picture without crying. Another year without him. 
I cant take it.But ima Try hard too. 
-Tina-